Shadows and Regrets
by Sixty Watermelons
Summary: “Please, Mark. Remember what we used to be?” I bit my lip and blinked, close to tears. I hadn’t cried in years. “That was then, Bryon. This is now.” TwT,TiN songfic to "Shadows and Regrets" by Yellowcard.


**A/N: Here's my first shot at a _That was Then, This is Now_ (which I do not own) songfic. I absolutely love the song "Shadows and Regrets" by Yellowcard (which I also do not own) and thought I could maybe set the scene where Mark kills Bryon, a fact which is implied in _Tex_ (which I do not own either, although I absolutely adore it just as much as _The Outsiders_, which I don't own either), to "Shadows and Regrets." I'm very proud of the outcome. R&R**

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_I'm back, back in town_

_And everything has changed_

_I feel, feel let down_

_The faces stay the same_

Silently I walked through the town. It seemed so familiar, but so different. I recognized everyone I knew—used to know. They were familiar, but the town itself had changed. It wasn't something I could put my finger on. It was just…different from the way it'd been a couple years ago, back when everything started.

_I see, see shadows_

_Of who we used to be_

_When I drive, drive so slow_

_Through this memory_

I passed by Charlie's bar. It was boarded up, the air heavy and silent around it. It was like nobody'd been near it since that night he was shot. I stopped and looked there, thinking of all the memories, feeling like I was thinking of someone who wasn't me. Someone different, younger and innocent. Well, at least compared to what I was now.

_When we were only kids_

_And we were best of friends_

_And we hoped for the best_

_And let go of the rest_

I thought of Bryon and pulled out the sheet of paper in my pocket. I'd scribbled his address on a sheet of paper when I was in jail to make sure I wouldn't forget. When I stuffed the paper back in my pocket, my fingers brushed the cold metal lying next to it. I took a deep breath and turned around, heading towards the house where I'd grown up with Bryon.

_I heard, heard myself_

_Say things I take back_

_If I could, could retell_

_And make these stories last_

When I got near the house, I heard a voice in my head reminding me what I'd said to Bryon. That voice sounded more like myself. I'd only been in there for a little bit, but I'd already changed. I hadn't been a kid anymore when I'd said that. Bryon had changed too, almost like it was taking a toll on him too. I felt bitter at the thought. He wasn't the one in jail. I didn't regret saying right back to him what he'd said to me. "That was then, this is now." Damn straight. He and I would never be the same people we were. We'd never be like brothers again.

_I see, see shadows_

_Of who we'll always be_

_When I drive, drive these roads_

_That made our memories_

Stepping up the steps to the porch, I started thinking of who he really was, trying to remember, think if he deserved what was coming. But all I really remembered was walking down these steps and getting into a cop car. He probably still lived in the house, probably going to the community college. I wondered what would've happened if he hadn't told the fuzz. Would I still be living with him, in the same house, the same place I'd lived in since I was ten, or would something else have happened that would have landed us where we are? This is now, me busting into the house to do something I never could've pictured myself doing a few years back. That was then, this is now, I reminded myself as I reached for the doorknob to the house, unlocked as usual.

_When we were only kids_

_And we were best of friends_

_And we hoped for the best_

_And let go of the rest_

_Shadows and regrets_

_Let go of the rest  
_

I walked through the house and back into the room Bryon and I had shared. Sure enough, asleep in his bed was Bryon. My bed had been replaced with a chair and a desk covered in books. I took one last breath and walked over to Bryon. I took the gun out of my pocket and put it to the side of his head. It was his fault I was doing this. He'd gotten me where I was today—nowhere. When he felt the metal next to his head, his eyes opened and he sat up, startled.

_Everything has changed _

_(Everything has changed)_

_Faces stay the same _

_(Faces stay the same)_

_Everything has changed _

_(Everything has changed)_

_Faces stay the same  
_

"Mark?" he whispered. He looked a little worried, and he quickly realized I was holding a gun to the side of his head and looked me straight in the eyes. "Why are you doing this?" He paused, searching for the right words. "Remember what we used to be? We were like brothers." His eyes widened, the shadows falling over the rest of his face, when he realized I was serious. "Please, Mark. Remember what we used to be?"

_And we were only kids_

_And our time couldn't end_

_And how tall did we stand_

_With the world in our hands _

I bit my lip and blinked, close to tears. I hadn't cried in years. "That was then, Bryon. This is now." He paled when I said this, his eyes silently pleading, telling me not to do this. I'd escaped jail for this, for this moment where everything would come full circle. I'd risked my life for this. Instead of feeling proud, I was crying while I pulled the trigger. Once he slumped back, I picked up the gun and realized what I'd done. I swore, wishing I could go back and drop the gun instead, not shoot him, and the tears fell down my face faster. I thought I'd be happy when this happened. I never expected to regret it.

_And we were only kids_

_And we were best of friends_

_And we hoped for the best_

_And let go of the rest_

I ran out the door and back to Charlie's. I was going to be in jail my whole life because of this. I had to get out of the state. I pulled back one of the boards, careful to put it back where it'd been. This was going to be the last time I was ever in this town. Tomorrow morning I was going to thumb a ride and get over the state line, start over somewhere else. As I curled into a booth, the shadows in the bar and the wind outside seemed like ghosts. Ghosts of Bryon and Charlie, ghosts of the past, ghosts of everything I was starting to wish hadn't happened. I cried silently, trying not to let the shadows see. It seemed like they were watching me, watching everything I did. I take it all back, all of it. I hated feeling sorry for something. The feeling ate away at my gut. My fingers brushed the gun, and I fell asleep holding onto it, trying to hold onto the past while I cried.

_Shadows and regrets_

_Let go of the rest_

_Shadows and regrets_

_Let go of the rest_

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_**A/N: As always, the "review" part of R&R is good for feedback.**


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